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- A Russian woman will be happy to provide a second income for the family, if
needed, but she will feel uncomfortable if her income is bigger than her
husband's, and will try to help him to succeed.
In this
sense, we can conclude that Russian women still hold traditional family values
where the man is the leader in the family. If you ask any Russian woman, who do
you think should be the leader in the family, she will say she wants a man who
will be the leader. Russian women happily give men the leading role, and do not
see anything wrong with needing a man in their lives.
At the same time Russian women do not want to be ordered around, and want partnership
in a marriage. They want to be respected and appreciated. They are not
doormats. For them, marriage is a union of equals.
- You can find in Russia a much younger woman
This argument, again, is primarily useful for your male friends, since a younger
woman is preferred to an older one for the same reasons, as a more beautiful
woman is preferred to a less beautiful. It can also be used for your parents if
you are over 40 and seek a woman of the child-productive age (assuming they are
eager to have a blessing of grandchildren, which you failed to produce as yet).
You can, indeed, find in Russia a woman of a much younger age than can be available
for you in your home country. Nearly every Russian woman will be happy with the
age difference up to 10 years; most will accept the difference up to 15 years.
In special cases you can get away with an even bigger age difference, but if
you are not a famous writer/actor/TV-presenter/musician/etc or do not have an
impressive bank balance, I am sorry to inform you that you should not bargain
on special cases. Nevertheless, the "ordinary" age difference of
10-15 years is still a good reason to consider.
- Why Russian women seek older men? I still, after many years of working in the
Russian dating industry, cannot give a profound answer to this question.
I can only say personally that when I was looking for a man abroad, I wanted him to
be at least 10 (at most 15) years older than myself. I think it is mostly due
to the feeling of security that women are after. I am not talking about
financial security (though having a stable job is a must if you want a Russian
wife) but rather the feeling of security a woman has when marrying an older
man: most likely, he will not leave her for somebody younger and will appreciate
her.
Russian men are very promiscuous, and it is not rare that a man leaves his wife at the
age of 35-40 for a girl in her twenties. Having to move to a strange country,
this is the last thing women want to happen to them. Thus, marrying an older
man, a woman feels more secure than marrying a man of her age, even if they
would have the same financial stability.
Marrying a foreigner for a Russian woman is still like a fairy-tale (during Soviet times
it was considered to be a great success to marry a foreigner and move to the
"free" western world), so if this man is also handsome and young, she
might feel "it is too good to be true" and is very likely to decline
such a relationship. With an older man she feels "it is the real
thing".
Actually, in Russia, women usually marry men of their own age or 2-3 years older. But
when they look for partners abroad, they would prefer a little bigger age
difference. This trend is often explained by financial security that men gain
with age, but in my opinion it is not true since the vast majority of Russian
women have no idea how to distinguish if the man has money (I am often asked
this question, how to figure out if the man is not broke).
So I believe the feeling of psychological comfort is very important for Russian
women ("it is the real thing" as oppose to "it is too good to be
true").
With this in mind, if you are young, you must remember she is looking for a partner
for life and needs assurance that you are mature enough to get married once and
forever.
- Russian women want to get married
This reason can be used for just about anybody, and it is a very powerful reason
indeed.
The dating game can be frustrating, and you never know if the girl is just enjoying
going out with you, or if she is interested in spending the rest of her life
with you.
When you (virtually) date a Russian woman, you can be absolutely confident that she
is looking for a partner for marriage, and not just a pen pal.
- Russian women are still happy to be women
This is again a reason for your buddies rather than your family or ex-girlfriend.
Russian women are really different from western women in this matter: they do not want
to be men or compete with men. They prefer to live with men, care about their
men and let men take care of them.
Feminism still has not hit Eastern Europe, and Russian women enjoy being feminine and
enjoy men that are masculine. They do not try to ensure that no man will ever
consider them as sexual objects; in fact, they like looking sexy and are not
backing up when a man tries to approach them.
- International marriage is a lifetime of discoveries and excitement
Use this reason as a last resort as it will prevent what your opponent was going to
say right now: "OK, it is great but how your are going to live together,
communicate etc?"
International marriage will never be boring - you always have something to explore! Don't
misunderstand me, there are and will be some cultural differences (and this is
why it makes sense to look for a wife in Russia, otherwise it would be pure
masochism - going for the girl next door would be a simpler option), but you
should not see it all in a negative light - learning about each other's culture
is a lot of fun!
She will be able to speak English in no time (3-6 months after her arrival at most),
and if people really want to communicate, they will - even without any
knowledge of the language.
In fact, language is not the most difficult part. Making sure you are right for each other - that is
the hard part. But it's not our topic for today, so let's round it up for now:
all this hype that you read on the Net about Russian women has, apparently, a
grain of truth, and looking for a wife in Russia is not madness but a sensible
thing to do if you are looking for a romance that will clear the clouds from
the sky.
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- The Universal
Crib on Finding a Russian Wife - the most compressed, step-by-step
guidance on finding, courting and marrying a Russian woman.
- "Are you the American male
looking for the Russian wife?"
Article of Richard A. Blackwood about do's and don'ts in the search
for a Russian wife - must read for any
man considering the idea of finding a Russian bride. In less than 20
minutes you will know more than some men know after a few years of their
search!
- The shocking truth about Russian
Brides
E-book by Marina
Smiley
- Why American women are loosing their
eligible men to Russian women - Kevin Weaver --- Kansas, USA.
- Immigration scams: ARE YOU AT RISK?
Any man who even remotely considers the idea of marrying a Russian woman will
face the question of immigration scams: that a woman will marry him with
the only purpose of gaining residence to his country, and will divorce him soon
after the marriage. Is it true that there are many Russian women that will
marry a man only for the purpose of immigration? How common are immigration
scams in marriages with Russian women?
- Russian wedding traditions and customs:
Engagement and preparations for the wedding
Russian wedding protocol is quite different from what you are used to. For example,
there are no bridesmaids, a best man and flower girls.
I will describe here an average wedding, the type all my friends and family had.
Nowadays the new rich probably have something more Western-like, but the
ordinary people's weddings still fit into this description.
First of all, let's start with engagement. Frankly speaking, there is no such a
thing. A man asks a woman if she marry him, that's it. No rings are given; no
one is informed about the event excepting closest friends and family. If the
man is gallant, he will give his lady flowers, but this is not mandatory.
The wedding is usually planned soon, within 1-3 months. The time depends on the
department of registrations (ZAGS - department of registration of civil statuses
that is also responsible for registrations of births and deaths, divorces etc).
The couple is supposed to apply in writing to the department of registrations
asking to register their marriage. The department will give them available
dates (when the registrar is available), but according to the law there must be
at least 1 month of "waiting period". During Soviet time this period
was 3 months, so the two had time to cool down. People in Russia marry early,
mostly at the age of 18-22, and often one of the partners collects the
application form from ZAGS after an argument or something like this, to just
hurt the other - reapplication is possible, but they have to pay a fee again,
and would be given another waiting term. Still quite a few couples do not
appear in ZAGS on the day of registration without a prior notice.
After the couple has applied to the department of registration, they are considered
as being a bride and a groom; but Russians do not talk about being engaged,
they say "They handed in the application". The planning of the
wedding is very simple (I was amazed how much more complicated it is here!),
and includes rings, brides' dress, cars, and reception. Such things as
stationery, flowers, music, bride's maids' dresses, and many others do not
feature.
Russians call "engagement rings" the rings that the couple exchanges during
the wedding ceremony. The two buy them together; the groom pays; this is the
necessary part of the wedding tradition. Russian engagement rings are in
reality just plain wedding bands of gold, without diamonds or stones, and they
wear them on the RIGHT hand on the finger next to the "pinky". (An
"engagement ring" on the LEFT hand on the same finger will mean for
Russians that the person is divorced or widowed, i.e. is not currently married
but was married before.)
I am often asked about how Russian sizes of rings correspond to western ones. It's
easy. Russian sizes of rings are given in MILLIMETERS OF DIAMETER. So if
woman's size is 17, it means the ring should be 17 millimeters in diameter. (1
millimeter = 0, 1 centimeter)
The bride's dress is usually made especially for the occasion because it's cheaper
than buying it. All Russian women can sew (sewing is compulsory in the course
of 'domestic labor' subject for girls in Russian schools - boys learn to make
furniture and fix taps etc). Many girls sew beautifully; so brides often opt
for making their wedding dresses themselves. The others buy dresses, and sell
them afterwards. There is no custom of giving a wedding dress to a daughter,
and if somebody marries in her mother's dress Russians will think it's weird or
that you don't have money to buy a new one. Hiring a dress is not typical. Most
still opt for the traditional white dress, while a few others go for a white or
pale colored suit. Price for making the dress may be anything from $50
(including fabric) but rarely is more than $200, and if the woman makes the
dress herself it may cost her less than $10 (depending on the fabric).
Accessories may be hired.
The necessary part of the wedding ceremony is a wedding train of several cars. Big
black cars are considered as luxury in Russia (they used to be available for
Soviet government elite only), and usually if the couple has money, they will
hire at least one for the bride. The more cars participating in the wedding
train, the more proud the couple will be. Usually they ask all their friends
and relatives who have cars to join the ceremony. The cars are used to collect
the bride, and go to ZAGS for registration ceremony.
In the old days (before Perestroika) the bride's family was supposed to pay for the
reception, nowadays brides' and groom's families usually share expenses. The
reception takes place at a restaurant/cafe or at groom/bride's home; the last
option is more popular as it's more affordable.
The biggest concern at the wedding is to have enough liquor. A Russian Wedding is an event where everybody
must be drunk. No one will be surprised if people drink themselves to
unconscious on the wedding - and many do. Having plenty of food is typical for
any Russian function, and a wedding is not an exception. If you have enough
liquor and food, the wedding is basically ready.
This is all about preparations for the wedding - it's not very complicated, is it? Next
chapters will be about the wedding itself - and this is very interesting and
special!
- The Wedding; Day 1
You are probably surprised to find out that a Russian wedding lasts for 2 days!! (Well,
at least. Some weddings last as long as a week and this is something to be
proud of and remember for years: it means the couple had enough liquor to go on
and on, and enough devoted friends to stay.)
OK, about day 1.
The groom and the bride have their family and friends with them; it means, the
groom's company meets at groom's place and the bride's company meets at bride's
place. The groom goes to pick up the bride for ZAGS, and then they go to the
ceremony of "brakosochetanie" (this is a formal word that is
officially used to name the ceremony when a bride and a groom exchange rings and
put their signatures in the registry). But there is much more before they are
allowed to go!
Traditionally the wedding is ruled by "witnesses". The best friend of the
groom/bride usually acts as his/her "witness". Those witnesses must
prepare a script for the wedding so guests are entertained all the time. They
meet before the wedding a few times, makes posters, write speeches and invent
contests.
(As was said before, Russians marry early, usually when both partners are still at
college or university. This tradition of an entertaining wedding comes from
student traditions of making any event a real life comic script. During Soviet
times there was a communist youth organization called "Kosovo" that
was responsible for communist upbringing of the youth; it's aim was to develop
community spirit in young people, and this organization did lots of things to
make the life of young people real fun. Usually students worked in
"stroyotryad" (temporary organized group of workers) during summer to
make some pocket money and at the same time having "work experience"
- seldom connected with their future profession, usually in building industry
in the country side; this "third working semester" was mandatory for
all students. Working and spending all spare time together away from home
created a wonderful spirit of community in students. They arranged lots of
performances and competitions between different groups inside the
"stroyotryad" that made their lives very interesting and fun.
Something like a scout camp for adolescents. During the study time at
university people were still participating in "stroyotryad's"
activities - different public actions, community and charity work,
competitions, etc. This is where traditions of current wedding scripts come
from.)
Back to the wedding. There are of course many "ready to use" scripts that are
doing rounds from one wedding to another, and witnesses usually review a few to
compose their own. A Russian wedding must be fun, or it is not a wedding. (I
have attended a few western weddings including my own, and compared to Russian
ones they are just plain boring.)
When the groom arrives to fetch the bride he must have some spare time until the
ceremony as he is about to fight to get the bride. Russians live in blocks, and
the higher the bride's apartment, the more effort the groom has to spend. There
are posters with jokes about family life and wedding all over the walls on his
way up made by the bride's friends. Each stair-well is a challenge for the
groom - he must answer a question to be allowed to make those few steps up.
It's a team work - bride's friends ask devious questions (sometimes about a
bride, sometimes just difficult enigmas), and the groom must answer with the
help of his friends. For example, he may be shown a few photos of baby girls
and he must say which one is his bride. If he guessed wrong, he must pay cash
to pass this stair-well. (If the building has a lift it will be usually blocked
by the bride's team; but if the groom manages to find another way to the
bride's apartment than the stairs, it's his right. He can climb up the wall or
climb down from the roof - it would be much more fun but grooms are seldom that
adventurous.) So it can be quite a tough intellectual task to get to the door
of his bride. He can be also asked to sing, to dance or anything else. But
eventually he will make it of course.
After the groom reaches his bride, they go to ZAGS for the ceremony of
"brakosochetanie". Usually it's only the closest family and friends
who accompany them (also depends on how many people the wedding train of cars
have room for). The rest of the guests only join at the reception. Our
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The groom and the bride go in the same train but in different cars. All cars are
decorated with ribbons and balloons, often the bride's car has a doll on the
bonnet, or two stylized golden rings on top of the car (one bigger and one
smaller), or both.
Two crossed golden rings are Russian symbol of marriage that may be also seen on
wedding invitations etc.
The ceremony in ZAGS is similar to what happens at a civil ceremony in the West -
the bride and the groom will be asked if they want to marry each other, and
they must answer "Yes", then they exchange rings, then they kiss each
other, then sign the registry, then the witnesses sign. The official
representative of ZAGS will say a few words of greetings, and play the official
hymn of marriage ceremony - March of Mendelssohn. The guests who are present
give flowers to the bride, and drink a bottle of Champagne.
Nowadays many couples opt for a marriage in a church but church marriages in Russia
still do not have official status, and the church requires a civil marriage
certificate to arrange the ceremony for the couple (the couple must be
officially married by ZAGS before the marriage in church). So if the couple
plans to have a church ceremony, they will usually go through the civil
ceremony a few days before the wedding.
The Russian church ceremony is colorful and solemn but the complete traditional
ceremony is very long, and as guests and the couple have to stand during the
ceremony (there are no benches in Russian churches at all; people must stand
during all church services), faints are not rare. Most couples wisely opt for a
shortened version of the church marriage ceremony.
(The missing part in a Russian marriage ceremony, both civil and church, compared
to the western one is the question if there is somebody who knows why those two
people cannot marry.)
After the marriage ceremony the coupe leaves the guests for a tour around the city
sights. Usually it's only the couple and the witnesses in one car but sometimes
it may be two cars and the closest friends (seldom family: they must take care
of the reception). The couple visits memorials in memory of people who died in
the World War II or Russian Civil War of 1918-1922, other famous graves or
memorials, and lay flowers there. (I think it's a very nice custom that makes
people think and be grateful for what they have).
After 2-3 hours of the city tour the couple arrives at the reception. Depending on
where it's held there will be more or less guests; with 30-50 guests for a home
reception and 50-100 guests for a restaurant. Having more than 100 guests is
not typical; guests at Russian weddings are usually only family and friends and
not anybody you happen to know. Also traveling is expensive, and family members
from other cities seldom attend weddings (though usually will attend funerals -
strange, isn't it?). Tables for a wedding are moved together in the form of
letters "T" or "П", where the couple and witnesses
sit on the "top" (in the case of home reception tables sometimes go
through one room to another). Next to the couple and witnesses sit their
parents, then close family and friends, then the rest of the guests but seats
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First thing to start the reception is a toast. The first toast is of course for the
new couple. One of the witnesses will announce the first toast, and then the
parents have their say. Witnesses will also add some greetings, usually in the
form of a poem, and eventually announce the toast itself: "Zap melodic!"
("For the newlywed!") Here we come close to the most popular and
prominent Russian wedding tradition. For the first toast people usually drink
Champagne, and after the first sip somebody says "Gorky!"
("Bitter!"); it means the vine is bitter. All guests together start
to shout "Gorky! Gorky!" To make the vine sweet, the newlywed couple
must kiss each other. They must stand up and kiss each other for as long as
possible, and all the guests start counting "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." while
they are kissing. If the couple was not kissing long enough, the guests can
insist that the vine is still bitter, and request another kiss. This happens
after almost every following toast, so the couple has lots of kissing during
the wedding.
The second toast is always for the parents; and after a witness announced the toast, the
bride and the groom have their say of "Thank you" to both bride's and
grooms parents. (With another "Gorky!" and kissing afterwards.)
Then the witnesses continue running the wedding, reading jokes and poems, and
sometimes asking the new couple questions to make fun of them. Witnesses ask
one person or another to say the next toast, usually in the order how people
sit, one by one. The pause in between the toasts is 5-10 minutes, when people
have time to eat and talk, and then the next guest gets up and says the toast.
Usually when a person says the toast, he gives his gift to the newlywed.
Traditionally money is considered as the best gift, and is given in an
envelope. Some time after the beginning of the reception when people start to
become drunk the witnesses will ask everybody to give their gifts and one of
the witnesses will collect envelopes from the rest of the guests with a tray.
Then the first part of the reception is over. During this part people only eat
starters and salads but there are usually 10-20 different types of starters on
the table, so no one is hungry (usually vice versa, after starters people must
take a break of 1-2 hours before the main course to have space for it.)
Then people have time to dance. First dance is opened by the new couple. After the
music starts, there is no exact script anymore, and witnesses can relax a
little. They still occasionally announce a toast but do not entertain the
guests with jokes and poems; guests by this time are already having lots of fun
and are able to entertain themselves.
Movements become quite hectic; some people go out "to refresh", and at some
moment in this movement the bride gets... "Stolen"! She disappears,
and when the groom starts looking for her, he is faced with a request for a
ransom. Usually it's his buddies who "steal" the bride. A more or
less short wrangle about the amount, and he can have his new wife back. But he
must watch out - the bride sometimes may be stolen a few times!
Then there are the bride's friends - they steal the bride's shoe. The groom must pay
ransom for the shoe too - the guests enjoy watching wrangles. (Sometimes the
groom is having so much fun that he does not notice that his bride has disappeared;
and his buddies have to tell him about it. Some grooms don't seem to care, and
have their first marriage scandal on the day of the wedding - of course the
bride participates in the "stealing".)
The music stops once for the time when the main course is served, and then the fun
continues.
There is no tradition of a wedding cake in Russia though they will probably adopt
this western tradition soon; Russians enjoy rituals. They give a cake at the
end of the reception (which most guests miss dancing and having fun; there is
much more dancing at Russian weddings), but there is no custom of bride and
groom cutting it together.
Often guests leave the wedding in such a condition that they cannot remember what
happened. If this was the case with the majority of guests, then the wedding
was a huge success :-)
The second day the party is held at the place where the newlyweds are going to live
(usually at one of the parents' place - most young families live with wives or
husband's parents first). It starts in the morning or early afternoon. Guests
arrive with a terrible hangover from yesterday, and the most popular drink on
the second day is beer (switching to stronger liquor later).
Guests are not given knives, spoons or forks (sometimes no glasses are given either) -
they must "buy" things if they want to eat and drink (actually, they
borrow them because they don't take knives or forks home). Of course one can
bring a knife and fork with him but it's in bad taste - though if you do, it
will only add joy to the event (if you don't mind making a fool of yourself).
The money goes to the newlyweds.
On the second day the couple wears different clothes but it must be something new
bought specially for the occasion - a nice dress for the bride and shirt and
pants for the groom (but not jeans and a T-shirt!).
The number of guests on the second day is smaller; actually anyone from day one can
attend the party but it's usually only the closest friends and family that do.
On the second day they cook a bit less food (still much more than they do for any
occasion on the west), the preferred choice is national cuisine -
"borsch" (beetroot soup with vegetables, potatoes and meat) or "khan"
(soup of fresh water fish with potatoes and onions) - soups are very popular
among Russians and the best remedy from a hangover. The main course is often
"penmen" (similar to ravioli) that can be also eaten with a broth.
There is no strict structure for the second day reception but it also includes lots
of toasts and "Gorky!"
After the meal the bride must "clean" the floor in the room. The fun part
is that guests are allowed to mess as much as they want while she is cleaning -
this is what they are actively doing, but they only can mess with money - coins
or banknotes. Usually people make a special effort to get lots of change, so
the bride has to work hard. The collected money belongs to the couple, and some
generous guests can significantly contribute to the new family's budget.
There are may be some other competitions arranged by witnesses that are aimed to help
the new couple financially - like a lottery with a live chicken as the first
prize (of course guests don't know what it is!); the revenue from sold tickets
goes to the newlyweds. As Russians marry early money from the wedding (gifts and
other ventures) is often the only cash they can start their married life with.
The atmosphere on the second day of the wedding is more quiet and relaxed though
still cheerful and fun. I believe guests on a Russian wedding enjoy it much
more than the newlywed couple who are all the time made fools of. The worst
fate is the work of the witnesses who must be there to not let the guests get
bored - there is nothing worse than a boring wedding. It is a great honor to be
a witness but a hard job too! (I've done it once in my life - so I know!)
As a wedding is supposed to be two days, usually the first day is Friday with the
celebrations continuing on Saturday, and time for rising from the dead on
Sunday. Wedding is an event where everybody must be drunk, and being sober is
simply impolite; there is also so much excellent food that there is a saying
"If you are going to a wedding, you don't need to eat 3 days before and 3
days after".
I know many couples decide to have two weddings: one on the west and another one in
Russia; think about it - probably you should also try this way; it's a lot of
FUN!
- READ ALSO:
Russian female names -
most popular female names, Russian and English spellings, affectionate and short forms.
Russian women glossary -
find out about unexpected meanings of words and phrases in women's profiles.
Russian women FAQ - the
most frequently asked questions about all aspects of relationship with ladies
from Russia and other countries of the former Soviet Union.
Why Russian
Women? - If you decided to find yourself a Russian wife, you would
be inundated with questions of the type "Why Russian Women?" from
everybody you cared to share your idea with. Surprisingly, every Russian woman
you are writing to will ask the same question: "Why do you want to find a
wife in Russia?" After a while, you might start questioning your own
sanity in doing the thing which everybody, including your dates in this
Internet rendezvous, considers strange enough to request explanations. Here you
will find some ready-to-use answers for your family, friends an It is true that you can find a younger,
beautiful wife in Russia. Those beautiful women whose photos you have
seen on the Internet do exist and really seek men for marriage in the west.
2. You can contact them, and if you say
and do the right things, you can marry one of them.
If you contact them and say and do wrong things, they will reject you because they are NOT desperate and NOT just looking
for a way out of Russia.
They are looking for love, respect, security, and most of all, their Destiny and
Husband. They are looking for a Gentleman.
If you are arrogant and think you can buy yourself a wife, and that you are doing her
a favor by writing to her, you will only attract gold diggers: honest women
will avoid you. If you treat her like
trash, you will attract only trash.
Think about this process as finding a good job: you need to prepare a quality CV, do
your homework and find out about the company you are applying to, adapt your CV
to the needs of this company and position you are applying for, and present
yourself well at the interview. If you skip or fail one of those steps, you are
out. So do everything to the best of your ability. For finding a wife will have a much bigger impact on your life than finding
a job.
Start by educating yourself: read as much as you can about Russia and Russian
women. This site is an excellent resource; it also has links to other
informational sites. Search Internet for "Russian women",
"Russian brides" or "Russian dating" to find more available
resources.
It is highly advisable to join an e-group
or forum designed for men seeking a Russian wife: you will be able to receive
advice on any subject, first hand, from the men that did the same thing; some
of them were successful and are already married to Russian women. Listen to people who have been successful in their search and are happy
in their relationships. People who could not succeed themselves can
hardly help you to succeed. (Start
from russianmeetingplace.com
and rwguide.com)
- To
marry a Russian woman, you must have a
budget of USD 7.000-10.000 to make it happen, and the ability to travel
to Russia. If you do not have spare money or cannot travel, it will be very
difficult if not impossible for you to find a Russian wife. You don't have to
have the money ready when you start your search but you will need money once
you have found your dream woman.
The acceptable age difference for women: almost all women will accept age
differences up to 10 years, and most women will accept the age difference up to
15 years. If you are a famous actor/musician/writer/TV presenter etc, you will
be able to get away with the age difference up to 20 years or more. Most women
prefer their partner to be at least a few years older than them.
Countries that Russian women are mostly interested
in: Western Europe, USA,
Canada, and Australia. Many of them will also consider Japan, New Zealand,
Singapore, South Korea, South Africa, Mexico, Argentina, and other Christian
countries. Russian women avoid Muslim countries.
Follow the scheme: first letter - correspondence -
phone conversations - personal meeting - receiving a fiancée visa for her -
marriage. Show the woman from
the very beginning that you understand the whole process and are ready to walk
all the way.
- The most important anti-scam advice: NEVER send
money to people you haven't met in person. If she needs money for emails, use email-forwarding
services offered by a reliable agency. If you do not send money, you will never
be scammed.
- Do not fall in love too fast: 3-5 letters are definitely not enough to
find out if you met the right person.
You will always get what you pay for. Free services can bring lots of pain and
result in wasted time and emotions. Agencies' fees are negligible
comparing to the costs of the whole venture (see Tip 9), so don't be stingy and
order the best services you can find. Remember, you are looking for a lifetime
partner. How much is it worth to you?
You can make contact with Russian ladies
in one of 3 ways: (1) answering women's ads (Tip 17), (2) placing your own ad
(Tip 51), or (3) going on a romantic tour (Tip 79).
WAY 1: Answering women's ads. You have the advantage that you already
know some information about the woman, and have seen her photo. When answering
women's ads your chance to receive an answer is about 2 to 10; your chance to
receive a positive answer to your letter is about 1 to 10 (more if you are
young, handsome and athletic, less if you are not good looking or more than 15
years older than her). So to secure 1 positive answer (assuming you meet her
requirements) you need to buy at least 10 addresses. The newer the address, the
better your chance is to receive an answer.
Women's profiles with photos you will find in dating agencies and
personals sites.
Most reliable places to look for a Russian wife are specialized Russian dating agencies:
they screen their members and provide contact information of the women (postal
and email addresses, phone numbers etc).
Less reliable places to look for a Russian wife are large personals where anyone is invited
to place a free ad: they do not screen their members and some ads can be bogus,
or were placed by local Russian marriage agencies and you will have to pay a
double fee: first to join the personals site, then to the local agency.
Personals sites do not give you any contact details of the women; they only
forward your email to her.
Selecting an agency: choose an agency that is recommended by many sources,
and ask about it in the e-group you joined. If the agency is bad, people will
tell you. If no one knows this agency, you will be better off staying away from
them. Please remember that there are many small local agencies in Russia with
the same or similar names; so always include particulars (website address,
owner's name etc) when ask questions about agencies. As a rule, a good agency
will be able to accept payments by credit card, provide references, and have
their business address and phone number listed on the website.
- How the agencies work: some agencies sell addresses of the women, some
require membership, others combine the two options. An average price per
address is about $10. Membership options vary from site to site. When selecting
a membership option, divide the membership fee on the number of women that are
members of the site, and multiply the number by the months of access, and then
compare the figures.
Most specialized Russian dating agencies will provide you with a facility to search their databases by age, many
will also offer more sophisticated search (search by height and weight,
education, marital status, presence of children, knowledge of foreign
languages, requirements to a partner etc).
- Decide what type of woman you are looking for: age, appearance, education, kids, personal
traits and interests, etc. Write it down.
Decide what type of woman you are NOT looking for (negative list); write it down.
When looking through the profiles, check all the
points, both positive and negative. Do not give into temptation of writing to somebody who is not what you
are looking for: remember, you are going to live with this person for the rest
of your life, and beauty is only skin-deep.
- If you live in a small town, stay away from girls
from capitals (Moscow, St.
Petersburg, Kiev, Odessa, and Minsk): women from those cities will struggle to
adapt to a life in a small town.
- Writing your first letter: it is acceptable to send the same letter to all
women, but you will have much better results if the letter is custom-made to
fit a particular woman's profile. You need to write at least 1-2 pages about
yourself, you life, what you like and dislike, the place you live, your work,
your education, have you been married previously and, if not, why (tip: because
you were first busy with your studies/career, and when you have established
yourself, you could not find the right woman - most were already married). Do
NOT tell in length about your divorce or its reasons, and do not complain about
western women and what you dislike about them. Do tell her why you decided to
look for a wife in Russia and why you selected her ad. If there are some
important things on your checklists that are not reflected in her profile, ask
her about them.
- Do not talk about any sexual subjects or the ones that can be interpreted as
such. Talking about sex in early stages of the correspondence with Russian
women is a definite turn-off. You will be able to discuss it later in an
indirect way (asking her opinion about an article, a movie, etc). In general,
Russian women enjoy sex but they find it inappropriate to talk about it with
people they hardly know.
- If you are going to visit the lady's country
soon, or if you are ready to visit her country as soon as you find the
woman you are looking for, tell her about it.
Before closing, tell her that you are waiting
for her response and want her to answer in any case, even if she is not interested, just
to let you know. Tell her that you will accept her decision, whatever it will
be, and will not bother her again if she does not find you interesting, but you
need to know that she received your letter and read it. (You won't believe how
much more responses this short phrase will produce - it shows that you are really interested in her!)
Include at the footer your postal and email address,
phone and fax numbers. Don't
worry: she will not pop up at your door tomorrow, but you might receive a
surprise call from your dream woman.
- Type your letter: Russian women consider handwritten letters cheap; also
they are much more difficult to read.
If you plan to send the letter in English, write
it in simple words and phrases so she can understand. Most women can
read uncomplicated English, since all Russians study English at schools.
It is highly advisable to translate your
first letter to Russian. Even though a woman can understand your letter,
she will not be able to enjoy it if her English is not perfect. When reading a
well-translated letter in her own language, she can enjoy it and she will be
very grateful you took the care to make the reading easier for her. You will
also be able to fully express yourself and your great sense of humor. You can
either make a template letter for all ladies (which is cheaper), or make one
template and add separate paragraphs for each lady designed specially for her,
and also have them translated (which is more expensive but produces much better
results). If you translate it at the right place, each woman will compliment
you on the quality of your letter and thank you for taking the trouble to
translate it to her own language. It will show her YOU CARE. Do not use
software translators for translating the introduction letter. (We recommend www.elenasmodels.com
for inexpensive and quality translations)
You MUST include your photo with the first letter: a letter without a photo has
four times less chance at receiving an answer. The photo should be
professionally done, in suit and tie - Russian people believe in formal photos
for introductions. If you do not own a suit, make it in long-sleeved shirt and
tie. If you do not have a tie, buy or borrow one. A good photographer will be
able to make you look attractive even if you are not exactly the most handsome
guy on the block.
If you have a great body, include also a photo in a muscle hugging T-shirt and blue
jeans. NEVER send photos in shorts or
without a shirt: it means disrespect.
Smile! If you look happy and relaxed on the photo, she will be much more attracted to
you.
When sending your letter via email, make sure that the files with your photos
are not bigger than 20-30 KB in size. Use optimization software like Adobe
PhotoShop or Microsoft PhotoDraw. Send your photos as attachments, JPEG format.
If you sent an email and have not received a
response within 1 week, send another one - copy of the first one and include a few words on
the top that you are really interested in hearing from her, and want to know if
she received your letter.
If you have not received an answer for the second
time, send a letter by airmail or courier mail - she could have lost her access to email (changed
jobs, had other expenses and cannot afford Internet at the moment, her computer
was stolen, etc).
When sending your letter by airmail, include a
return envelope (so she does
not make a mistake with the address) and an international coupon of post
response (so she can answer you free for her - international coupons of post
response are available from postal services).
- If you did everything right, you will get some
responses and will have a few correspondents.
If you allow women to write you in Russian (and
then translate their letters yourself), you will be able to see better who is
more interested in you and who is more compatible with you. You can use either
human or software translation to read women's letters. You can find free
software translators on the Internet.
Most women will be able to read your letters in
English; if you want to offer
her a treat write a long letter once in a while and have it professionally
translated to Russian: she will be looking forward to those letters.
When you think the woman feels comfortable with you, ask for her phone number and
the best time to call. Talk for 10-15 minutes (if longer it will be difficult
for her to concentrate), and speak very slowly and in simple phrases. Remember,
it is more difficult to understand a person by phone than face to face. Talking on the phone will make your
relationship more "real".
- Do not forget to congratulate your lady with her
birthday, New Year, St. Valentine and Russian Women's Day (8 March). You can send her flowers and/or candies
through an international gift delivery service, or send a gift in the mail.
Make sure that the gift is not taxable in Russia, or use the service that will
pay the import tax and bill you (for example, UPS). The best gifts are flowers
and candies (use gift delivery service); you can also send her a dress,
something of gold or silver, or a toy for her kid (use courier delivery).
- Chat, instant messenger and videoconferences are great ways to get to know each other
better. Explain her how to use them and she will be delighted to talk to you
"in real time".
If you realize that some women are not what you are looking for, you should tell them
about it and that you are going to stop the correspondence. Do NOT disappear without notice! It is
very heartbreaking for a woman, and she will wonder for a long time what
happened to you and if you are OK, worrying about you, isn't fair. If you
started correspondence, have the guts to end it decently. Think how you would
feel if the person you fancy the most just stopped writing to you.
If you decide on one woman and want to stop corresponding with others, tell your
lady-friend about it to assure her you are serious. Most women have multiple
correspondents because they are not sure if any of them will ever visit her.
According to statistics, only 5% of men who write to women ever make it to
Russia. Show her you are ready to visit
her, and she will be yours. (Read Tips 66-78 how to organize your
meeting).
- WAY 2. Placing your own ad: the advantage of this way is that all women that
write to you have already seen your profile and photo, and found you
interesting. In this way you will receive in average 1 response to 2 letters
sent (some women might decide you are not their type after learning more about
you). The disadvantage is that you will also receive lots of junk and letters
from women that you do not find attractive (which is exactly the same for women
when they place their ads).
When placing your own ad, you will need a
professional photo (see Tips 36-39) and sound self-description.
How to write a good self-description: look through the profiles of women that
you liked - what kind of man they are looking for? Do you possess some of the
qualities they want to see in their future husband? Those are the qualities you
should include in your self-description.
All women want to meet men that are: intelligent, educated, kind, reliable,
decent, honest, good looking, physically fit, interested in sport, love
children and animals, even tempered, financially secure, generous and have a
good sense of humor. They also favor men that are well read and well traveled.
All women dislike men that are: dishonest, uneducated, mean, unreliable,
have bad tempers, are unfaithful, hypocritical, obese, lazy, broke, untidy,
greedy, and stingy. Many women also dislike men with facial hair and long hair.
If you have long hair, put it in a pony-tale when taking photos.
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